


Homesick

by MrsWhozeewhatsis (OxfordCommaLover)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2017 Louden Swain SPN Mini Bang, Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-20 23:17:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11345160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OxfordCommaLover/pseuds/MrsWhozeewhatsis
Summary: Set during the Pilot episode, while Dean is showering off the sludge from his dip in the river. Sam thinks about what home means to him.





	Homesick

**Author's Note:**

> This is my third (and final, unless I get a bug up my butt) submission for the 2017 Louden Swain SPN Mini Bang. I have loved this song since the first time I heard it! It’s short and cute and adorable and it makes me happy. If you haven’t heard it, check it out here. Sadly, I couldn’t come up with a truly happy SPN scenario, because, well, you know. Hope this comes close to the feeling behind the song, though. As always, many thanks to the best betas in the world, @manawhaat and @littlegreenplasticsoldier who make me think and constantly challenge me. ♥♥♥

Jericho isn’t that far from Palo Alto, relatively. Sam’s been all over the country, knows distances in terms of Zeppelin albums and pit stops to gas up the Impala, and Palo Alto to Jericho didn’t even make his butt fall asleep. If he’d “borrowed” a car, he’d be worried about the cops stopping him, that’s how close to home he is.

Home. What a concept.

Even knowing that he’s so close doesn’t stop his desire to be back home, though. He doesn’t want to be here with Dean. He gave this up. He’s been safe and blessedly normal for over 3 years, now, and to be dragged back into it is stressing him the fuck out. He should be back home with Jessica. He needs to be back home with Jessica. More than anything, though, he _wants_ to be back home with Jessica. Even knowing he’ll see her in a day or so, he aches.

He's never felt a longing like this to be somewhere specific before. Sure, he’s wanted to be anywhere other than where he was, plenty of times, but he’s never had a point on a map he could aim towards. No true North. There was never an image of a specific door he’d go through to see a specific person whose eyes would light up when they saw him. He thinks this might be what feeling homesick is like, but it feels strange.

When he first got to Stanford, he was sort of homesick, but it was very different. The home he dreamed of didn’t have a shingled roof or four walls. His internal compass could have doubled as an industrial fan. Back then, home was four tires on the road, his brother making mac ‘n cheese with marshmallow fluff, and a line of weapons to be cleaned. This feeling is for the comfy couch in his living room, the leftovers in his fridge, the king-size bed he actually almost fits in, but mostly, the woman he shares it all with.

God, he misses Jess.

Sam looks around the motel room. It’s musty and dark, there are newspaper clippings and copies of pages from lore books tacked to the walls, and there’s a thick salt line on the dirty carpet. It’s the epitome of a long hunt; it’s what he pictures when he thinks of his dad, and of his childhood. Just being here feels like slipping on an old coat that he outgrew. Dean hums _Ramble On_ badly in the shower making Sam grimace. Dean can’t hold a tune to save his life.

Jess sings pop tunes in the shower, and her voice carries through the rest of the apartment, making him smile every time. She always gets the words wrong. Maybe it’s intentional. She makes up silly lyrics, singing them seriously when she notices Sam watching her, putting on what looks like a professional concert with a hairbrush in her hand. Her smile takes over her face, her eyes bright, her jaw open wide showing even her back teeth as she belts Kelly Clarkson or Maroon 5. Sam always laughs, never able to take his eyes off her.

When she finally ends her performance, he always pulls her into his lap and kisses her soundly. She kisses him the same way, whether it’s after a lazy afternoon together in bed or a day apart, like she can’t get enough of him. He always thought someday they’d find a shortcut kind of kiss. A quick peck to say, “Have a good day,” or chaste little kisses that say, “I love you but I have to go or I’ll be late.” That never happened, though. No matter how late they are, Jess always makes time for a kiss that warms him from the inside out and says, “I love you no matter what else is going on.” Let the world crumble; they will kiss.

The shower turns off, and Sam tries to bring himself back to the present. Dean doesn’t emerge from the bathroom right away, though, so his thoughts wander again.

Having a hunt right now, having Dean show up right now, with everything that’s going on back home, makes him nervous. He aced his LSATs, he’s got the interview of his life on Monday, and he’s one paycheck away from having enough money for the ring he picked out. That’s why he had the dream, he’s sure of it. He’s planning a future, and Dean crashing into his living room right after that stupid dream is just a coincidence. It’s his fear that this hunt, Dad being missing, and everything he’s left behind will crash into that future that he wants so badly. The thing that killed Mom is long gone, so the dream is just a manifestation of his fears.

There’s absolutely no reason for him to worry. He’ll be home, and Jess will be alright, and he’ll feel like an idiot for worrying. He just needs to get through this hunt, find Dad, and then he can have his interview, take care of Jess, and enjoy being home again.

Once he’s home, they’ll be alright.


End file.
